wdym frog isn’t covered by my insurance 🐸😡

cottagecore? no. cottagewhore. catch me romancing everyone in pelican town.

it’s flash tattoo day (again)

i will never stop deadnaming twitter

is there a word for the type of psychopath who enjoys the feeling of being tattooed? i need to add it to my linkedin profile.

hey man will there be soup at the function or should we pre

it’s tornado watch thursday

i JUST learned what the dune popcorn bucket actually is. and to think no one messaged me directly about this.

me: do i still sound weird from my cold?
barista:

talent 🤌

finally, a house i can afford

The Oscars are so dumb and fake unless the actors and movies I like win.. then they are so marvelous and real ☺️

i can put up with tea while i’m sick but i can’t imagine just drinking this stuff casually

i have made peace with the fact that some movies deserve to not be paused when i walk out of the room

Reading way above my grade level didn’t get me as far in life as I had hoped

Fitted sheet being taken out of the dryer like “I have a secret :)” and the secret is your wet laundry wound up in it

lived in st. louis for almost a decade and it's the first i am hearing about this...

being an adult is so embarrassing. “guys I’ve been doing a good job sleeping lately.” Jesus christ.

spatchcocked a cornish hen for the first time, so my appetite is gone now