Me: 2023 is the year of decluttering my life!

Also me: I may wind up in the midst of a murder investigation and I’ll need proof of my innocence and that’s why I can’t delete that accidental screenshot I just did.

*driving past the school parking lot 10 minutes after pickup*

7yo: whoa the teachers are still there?

Used my husband’s dude wipes and now I’m mumbling about how all the lights are on and loading the plates on the top shelf of the dishwasher.

Love when my daughter gets a cookie and sort of half ass closes the package, so when I go to get cookies they’re stale

I was looking up cottage cheese recipes but now I’ve lost my appetite

4yo and 7yo were playing 'neighbors'. 7 did something questionable and 4 says 'geez what a stupid neighbor'...art does imitate life

Love the gentle tones of my children in the morning. Just kidding, they're fighting about who can look out which car window

Was telling my husband that now that I’m done breastfeeding, I can use the good skincare stuff and take real medicine again, so I might actually start to look younger and feel better. Then we looked at each other and laughed and laughed.

Little kids cough like they are releasing demons into the world

An old man sitting next to me on an airplane watched homemade porn for 3.5 hours, and I've given up on the human race now.

My kids have trashed the house again but they also reminded me to buy the ice cream which I’m currently eating instead of cleaning the house, so I’ll give them a pass this time

The only problem I have with getting back into work on a Monday morning is everything.

School - “Here is an amazing photo of the kids outside enjoying a beautiful spring day!”

Every parent - It would be amazing if my kid weren’t picking their nose

When seasonal depression closes a door, it opens a window for seasonal allergies

Your mom listens to Kidz Bop

You have 10 apples and ate five - how many are left? is not fruit math.

Fruit math is when you had five bananas at 8:00am but you have a toddler and now there are none. How many bananas will you buy before they decide they no longer like bananas?

Cocker-doodle

How to get late night snacks without waking dogs

I’m gonna start doing a YouTube series about helpful ADHD apps. One of my favorites by FAR is centered_app , who has brought me into a community AND helped me do work in a less stressful, fun, better-focused way. HIGHLY recommend.