I don't think 'House' was the right name for that Hugh Laurie show. Based on what I saw, it should have been called 'Hospital'

Italian cum? Call that mobster bisque

God is a woman and SHE is a man.

Castaway would have been a much more interesting movie if Wilson had a gun

See Roast Battle NYC RoastBattle NYC tonight at 10:30PM!
HOST Neko White
BATTLES
Claire Siemietkowski V tony ferraro
limp brittzkit V Sarah Barnitt @TrustWallet Rep
MAIN EVENT
Gabby Jordan Brown V Irina Chelidze
JUDGES
Derek Humphrey & Talent Harris
Marisa Tomayonnaise
newyorkcomedyclub.com/events/prime-t…

NYC Weather

Temp: 67

Feels Like: The Garage Suicide Scene from Midsommar

dad support group

today is my 27th birthday and i have accomplished literally nothing in my life and i intend to keep it that way

going home for the holidays is great because you get free food and all it costs you is your happiness

you know a tv show is going to be really good when all the actors are ugly

the public view count makes twitter feel like an open mic, like i’m just trying something out and i can literally see everyone on their phone ignoring me

sorry i couldn’t make it to your daughters christening i was busy creating a brand

horny JFK would be like “i need some head”

why are we still making action movies… bring back movies where two people talk to each other

A wedding roast for my sister 🫡

(me after drinking 8 beers and botching every social interaction in a night): i’m so grateful to be a part of a community 🥰

there should be an inverse of the 'do not disturb' notification. make my settings so that friends see 'im bored im lonely im on the brink please disturb please' or something subtle like that