the true back up plan

is to always have your friends back

Truth and cream

both rise to the top

Those people who's mere presence makes such an impression

That it pulls you out of your depression

I'm 'not everything offended someone' years old.

'What the fuck is wrong with people?' is a thought I shouldn't have to have as often as I do.

If you don't laugh at yourself , your doing life wrong.

I think I'm starting to smell old.

It's gotten to the point where my most treasured memories are the ones I can't remember.

Restless brain syndrome.

I only laugh at my posts because nobody else will.

Pronounces kale like lasagna

I need a friend who loves me enough to yell at me to drink my water like every hour is so

did i say too much?

*good.

She has a fire in her eyes. I’m just worried it’s the kind that eventually calls for an arson investigator.

checked your tl for kicks (ok im bored) and id like to say some of the mens here are all drama

Always at my best when I’m a creature of the moment.

I will make submit to me in the bedroom.*

*take the tv remote from you so I can put on closed caption

gary mowing his goddamn lawn while i’m trying to have a teams meeting is my villain origin story.

That seems like a lie like 'non-stick pan' or 'customer service.'

I'm sorry I never text first. It's basically because I don't actually want to talk to you at all.