Of course I think you should be yourself!
But wouldn't it be better if the self you were was vastly different?

Your 2024 campaign slogan is:
Your name 2024, the last text message you sent

Trouble 2024, What Time Are You Planning to Be There?

Yep. Sounds like politics to me.

Me: But what if someone invented a camera that *didn't* add ten pounds?

Engineer: *invents camera that adds 20 lbs*

The perfect life coach doesn't exis......

Fleetwood Mac over came heartbreak, betrayal, and infidelity to write an album that had 4 top-ten hits and win a Grammy, and I can't write seven minutes of stand-up comedy for a local open mic

One of these things is not like the other. Lol it always strikes me as odd that we discuss US states and rarely mention provinces and territories. This is nothing against Deidre. Her post just reminded me of something I’ve noticed a lot.

I wonder how good the artificial eggs will be.

Hey you know what “dude”? You can leave and not come back.

Just think what he could’ve done with the other $1800 if he’d bought a nice sweater.

Me: Its a thirst I need quenched. A longing I need satisfied. Indulge me with that warm love.

Drive through voice: that's a $1.50 for your coffee Shakespeare. Pay at the first window please.

🏆 THURSDAY CONTEST 🏆

This week's theme: LUNCH

Thai food, pasta, PBJ: What's on the menu today? Write us up to 3 🥪NEW🥪 (written today) tweets about lunch.

Open to all size accounts. Tell your friends! Come get a trophy 🏆

ENDS 10PM ET

Why do drive thru's have multiple lanes but still so slow getting you your food?
It's Economics 101: The slower they give you your food, the longer they have your money , the more money they can make in investments with your cash.
Corporations do that all the time.

Milk mansion? Seriously though, it’s not a room for you so why do you care what it’s called?

The beginning of this is what we’re gonna do for my willy wonka experience.

Hey I’m ok if the rapture comes. It will just mean less traffic on the way out of town on May 2-4.

First rule.

I am a fairly smart person. I have a science degree. I have lived more than 5 decades on this planet. And I’m still scared I’m going to accidentally forget and look up at the sun during the eclipse. 🤦‍♀️

[Phone gps]
Rerouting
Rerouting
Rerouting
Rerouting
Nevermind you're just drunk spinning again

I'm at an age that I don't know if this should be on the outside or inside of my house

Bahaha funniest reply to a spammy porn bot ever.