I just bought a cooling blanket in case you were wondering if I could possibly get any sexier. These peri menopausal nights about to get wild.

*turns up fan

Yesterday my daughter turned 20. We had a wonderful
Day together. Shopping, getting iced chai’s, dinner at a fancy restaurant. Lots of gifts and laughs. Last night she hugged and thanked me for the “best birthday”she ever had. Hang in there moms of teen girls. It gets better!

And that’s a wrap on another birthday for my beautiful girl 💗

The difference is no dog would ever give up on their human .

My cat bitch slapped my phone when the alarm went off at 6 AM and I’ve never been prouder of him.

Middle aged alphabet is just me trying to remember to take my vitamins B, C, D, E, K1 K2…

Remember the days when we all wanted the perfect pottery barn ambiance for hosting and entertaining? Now I just want to give off the slightly feared swamp witch vibe, so I can be left alone in peace, to eat cheese by myself.

If you are struggling go listen to Drew Wiegman live on Tik Tok . He plays the cello and it’s incredible . Right now he’s doing “ a thousand years “ and if you just close your eyes and listen to it I promise it will make you feel things that you didn’t know you could still feel💕

Reached the stage of parenting where I just found a garlic press in the shower and I didn’t even want to ask why.

I accidentally killed all of my succulents by overwatering them because this is the only way that I know how to love.

*spends 30 mins lovingly giving my cast iron skillet a salt scrub down and then masssaging it with oil before putting it away for the night

*tells 8 to run through the sprinkler naked instead of giving him a bath before bed

Reached the stage of parenting where I can just sit back and let Tik Tok finish raising my kids

Apparently you can't just drop your ex off at the morgue just cause they are dead to you.

😂 my own tweet just popped up
In my tik tok algorithm that someone copy and pasted without my name. 😂 was that a coincidence or does the algorithm know it was mine on X ? It can’t possibly, right ?

The face of someone who had to be up at 3 am to drive a friend to the airport

Nothing says “America” like having to detour around my neighborhood on my way home, because there’s an active shooter standoff situation going on.