just saying

You ever spill so much you need a construction-vest-color coffee mug?

Omg this whole time I’ve been pronouncing FanDuel like Manuel

forgot to mention that in honor of Earth Day you can send me your jokes and I’ll recycle them.

Once again nobody picked me for the NFL

That quiet time of day when everybody is working

“Oop…..….oop…,nice……where…oop…yup….GO…oh…………mmm”

—Me announcing hockey

We did it Liam Fennessy

Still fixing typos in tweets like anything matters

The NFL Draft is the biggest waste of baseball caps

Part of the marriage agreement that no one talks about is you lose all ownership of your hoodies

The NFL Draft is about as fun to watch as a livestream of the DMV

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

Oh, it’s a big game? How many anthems before?

Saw a guy using a real lawnmower today in Brooklyn. The area was small enough where he just had to start it and he was done.

You ever think you’re a bandana guy for an afternoon?

Don’t talk to me til I’ve had my coffee, microwaved for 25 seconds 30 times over the course of a morning

The last scene of The Usual Suspects if it was a musical

What baby is coming up with the names of these streaming apps.

Billy Hurley 🌊 First came lava lamps—now, this tech company is using wave machines to randomize data

☕️ For IT Brew, I spoke with Cloudflare CTO John Graham-Cumming to learn about the company's eccentric methods that help them randomize data for SSL encryption

itbrew.com/stories/2024/0…