Are any two strangers more instantly bonded yet desperate to never see each other again than the person who pressed the button to open the train toilet door & the person mid-piss realising they didn’t lock it, as they’re revealed to each other like cursed Blind Date contestants?

Didn’t we do this already?

Star Wars Day and World Naked Gardening Day both fall on Saturday this year
This creates quite the costuming quandary

The combo of an insanely bad policy and a completely out of control department is going to make this the mother of all government fiascos.

After the amount of crap he’s put in his body over the years he’s probably the only person who could survive this

If there was a causal relationship here, I'd have joined Hamas at university.

Wasn’t me

Thank god, sanity at last

Incredible really

I'm reading about medieval Gaelic personal names and apparently the name BEAN is a diminutive or pet form of MACBETH. Which has frankly huge implications for Shakespeare and Mr Bean.

one of my Dad’s employees asked for their birthday off and my dad said “why? Did your wife get you a clown?” my Dad had to go to a sensitivity class and apologize to him in front of everyone.

Ten years from this to Cabinet is the record…

What’s the opposite of lifestyle telegraph.co.uk/money/consumer…

RESPLENDENT FEMALE FALCONER twitter.com/ManiLazic/stat…

This was always the case imo

Exciting new opportunity going at CCHQ

was walking the dogs and saw a car with a woman and a screaming toddler and suddenly a guy ran out from the corner store yelling I GOT EM I GOT EM while holding a bag of goldfish crackers over his head and I got the hell outta the way because I know an emergency when I see one

I’m just a girl standing in front of my fridge hoping a cheesecake will appear