DESIGN FLAWS OF HATS

-No way to tell if the wearer can type at 60+ WPM
-Hats should contain binoculars so if you pull the hat down, you see further
-No compartment to store a soup spoon so hat wearers have to carry their soup spoons separately

Hope these flaws get fixed one day

Tutting loudly and shaking my head disapprovingly as I hand another box of matches to my arsonist buddy

The ONE bench I’d planned to espionage from and it’s forbidden.

Have decided to make a big effort to eradicate unacceptable behaviour in my local community, starting with international espionage

I know this is a major fear for most people so thought I'd try to formulate an action plan. Hope it helps.

[Private Message to John Cena] Hey man. Just had a thought. You and I should make a movie about web browsers. I've put together this quick pitch. It's not finished yet but check it out and let me know if you'd be interested. I'd be happy to split the profits 50/50. Thanks. MC

KEEP PROTESTING

KEEP BOYCOTTING

KEEP TALKING AND

FIGHTING FOR US,

WE HEAR YOU FROM GAZA

Sir Michael It's good that they've built a river through the town. It means that the money spent on bridges won't have been wasted.

Continuing my dream of becoming a travel writer who saves time and money by not travelling, here is my guide to Paris. The City of Many Buildings.

I always read this when I’m in a bad mood and it never fails to make me cry laugh.

Can't explain it but this makes sense

Here are the top 5 times:

1. 7:32pm (indisputably the best time)
2. 2:44pm (has its critics but an all-round excellent time)
3. 9:51pm (not too early, not too late)
4. 3:07am (chances of being required to attend a meeting at 3:07am? Low)
5. 11:38am (the connoisseur's lunch time)

Cramming a band's whole discography just hours before a concert just in case they stop the show and start quizzing me

Hi John Cena. Just thought of an idea for an instructional video called John Cena's Sea Nah's and I'd love if you could host it. We could post it on YouTube and hopefully make some money from ads and whatnot. Let me know if you're interested. Thanks. MC

Been trying to become a conspiracy theorist but it's not going great :(

TECH TIP

Don't want to comment on a friend's Facebook post but DO want to positively acknowledge it? No problem! Simply copy and paste the post into a blank document, print it out, draw a thumbs-up emoji underneath it and then show it to your friend next time you see them 👍

My biggest fear as a voter? The government mandates that everyone must always be carrying a big plastic beam

1. Tax increases to manufacture the beams
2. Costly to hire inspectors who check everyone is carrying their beam
3. Someone might steal my beam

This better not happen 😡

A common tech problem is having the F12 button on your keyboard stolen by local hoodlums. So here's a workaround:

- Use an axe to remove your F, 1 and 2 keys
- Use a blowtorch to fuse these buttons together
- Smush the resulting button into the vacant F12 slot

Problem solved 👍

Finally- for far too long have artists with <1000 streams been accumulating and hoarding their immense wealth.

Delighted to help parents keep their kids entertained at this difficult time 👍