I’m playing the Ally McCoist drinking game, every time he starts a sentence with “I tell you what…” or describes something as ‘Bruyyant’ I take a shot. 15 minutes in and I’m paralytic

Olaf Falafel Great to see you Olaf! People can find their nearest screening at swedecaroline.com

Painting predominantly orange whilst drinking a Berocca - what could possibly go wrong?

Not long till my comedy footy game Chesham United FC Mathew Baynton, Mike Wozniak, Russell Howard, Sam Campbell, Maisie Adam, Nish Kumar, Tim Key, Hugh Dennis, Doc Brown, Iain Stirling, Mark Watson & more + actual footballers & brand new stupid rules. May 11 tinyurl.com/yx968ene

I went to a screening of my good mate Hot Wet Salad’s film Swede Caroline, it was very funny and you should all watch it at the first opportunity - I carried a pineapple

An exciting delivery! 📦📚

Just showed my Mum these pics of Bob vs the Selfie Zombies on Blue Peter.
She thinks I’m famous now.

Isn’t it funny how the Amazon delivery driver only knocks when you’re halfway through a poo. Makes you think

I had a fun afternoon today talking to around 600 teaching and support staff at The Shared Learning Trust for their inset day. They all got one of my books but I think the real gifts were the bad jokes I told them 😬

Harry Kane looking confused because a teammate is lifting a cup

...and with one blow on his magical flute he could summon banana boy

It was the first performance of my Stupidest Super Stupid Show (So Far) since it was crowned the Best Kids Show at the Leicester Comedy Festival. Two sold out shows in Maidenhead filled with glorious idiots!

The next chances to see it are in Chesham, Luton, Bicester, Brighton🍌

I ate my thesaurus and now I feel bloated, very bloated and extremely bloated.

I’m making comics!!!