Chris Fairbanks(@chrisfairbanks) 's Twitter Profileg
Chris Fairbanks

@chrisfairbanks

“Rescue Cactus” on Amazon. Podcast: Do You Need a Ride? @dynarpodcast The Rescue Cactus Album, is streaming exclusively on Pandoramusic right now!

ID:53078692

linkhttps://linktr.ee/chrisfairbankscomedy calendar_today02-07-2009 14:35:05

16,2K Tweets

27,4K Followers

1,5K Following

Andrew O.(@TheOrvedahl) 's Twitter Profile Photo

In case you missed it a new episode of Boi Crazy dropped yesterday on our Patreon, with special guest Chris Fairbanks! Miiiiight be the funniest one we've done to date. patreon.com/grawlixsaves

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Chris Fairbanks(@chrisfairbanks) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Something terrible is happening to you! Does that make you feel bad?
Hahaha.I’m lying! And you believed me for a minute! I did this because today is a holiday!

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Chris Fairbanks(@chrisfairbanks) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Remember how you and a dozen of your friends chased me down in that park, bee? Look at you now, limping in circles with one wing on the sidewalk. No pollinated flower smells as sweet as this revenge, bee.

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Chris Fairbanks(@chrisfairbanks) 's Twitter Profile Photo

It’s true, prescription eyewear really does affect your social life. All that “four eyes” business in 3rd grade is just now registering as hurtful. I’m sorry I ever said that to another child. Sometimes payback is a slow burner.

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Chris Fairbanks(@chrisfairbanks) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Honestly, I feel like the spider is the victim here. Imagine moving into a new home, and your only playmate is the dead body of you, from a past life.

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Chris Fairbanks(@chrisfairbanks) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I love that if you cast Wayne Knight, he’ll bring his own personal Members Only jacket to set.
1.Seinfeld
2. Dead Again
3. 1-800-COLLECT ad.
4. Jurassic Park
Members Only Official

I love that if you cast Wayne Knight, he’ll bring his own personal Members Only jacket to set. 1.Seinfeld 2. Dead Again 3. 1-800-COLLECT ad. 4. Jurassic Park @MembersOnlyUSA
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Chris Fairbanks(@chrisfairbanks) 's Twitter Profile Photo

If you tell me you go to church every Sunday you’d better say it in a southern accent or I won’t believe you.

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