Dr. Ford: hero. Kavanaugh: withdraw. Every senator: needs a sip of water.

Annnnnd this is why I've always given all my money to Nike! Now do you (wife) understand? #JustDoIt

LA! If you love watching HGTV, going to open houses, and getting lost on Redfin, then you will really enjoy this show where me, John Mulaney, and Natasha Leggero talk all things real estate! Tix here: ticketfly.com/purchase/event…

My dad just texted me that Roseanne was cancelled. I told him I heard.

Comedian Nikki Glaser Joins #DGT4MDF ! Raise support and awareness for #MDF and #MyotonicDystrophy Thursday, June 7th at @sonyhall, NYC’s hottest event space. Special performances by Eric Hutchinson, @Justin_Wilman, @DanLevy and more talent to come! Myotonic.org/dgt4mdf

#MDF is hosting A DAMN GOOD TIME: Party to Make Myotonic Dystrophy History! #DGT4MDF A night of entertainment in #NYC to raise awareness and support with scheduled performances by Eric Hutchinson, Justin Willman, Dan Levy and more exciting names to come! myotonic.org/dgt4mdf

The real tragedy of #WildWildCountry is that the founder of Nike Bill Bowermans son is a cowboy and doesn’t even wear sneakers!

Don’t miss the hilarious Dan Levy on Saturday! Get your tickets now! ticketf.ly/2oHXEbz

LA! This Friday at the Hollywood Improv me and my very funny friends! Come out! TIX here: ticketweb.com/event/dan-levy…

May 1 2018. “Kid Gorgeous at Radio City” premieres on Netflix Is A Joke. Directed by Alex Timbers. Music by Jon Brion. Set by Scott Pask. Starring me John Mulaney.

Watch two killers John Mulaney and nick kroll kill with a monologue about movies. LIGHT WORK II youtube.com/watch?v=OW0Wt3…

I had a drama teacher who would freak out and throw snapple bottles across the room. I don’t think he should have a gun.

Donald J. Trump hello I’m the 16 year old girl who tweeted you that I didn’t want your condolences, I wanted gun control, and went viral because of it. I heard you are coming to my community soon. I would love for you to hear my opinions on gun control in person.

- a survivor

This is Branch from Trolls! - me trying to get my son into sports. #SuperBowlSunday

I think about their parents picking out special names for them. Attending school choir concerts. Doing mundane things like helping them with homework and taking them to the dentist. All to lose them to completely senseless and preventable gun violence due to lawmakers' cowardice. twitter.com/jimsciutto/sta…

The The Goldbergs special airs tonight at 8! I’ve seen it and it’s v-funny. Watch it! twitter.com/adamfgoldberg/…

2 books about mentally unstable men. twitter.com/WhitneyCumming…

Pro Tip: If a new middle aged guy starts at your job with a tan and has a camera crew with him and his facial hair in no way looks real and his hair is a wig that goes past his shoulders, there’s a 100% chance you are on Undercover Boss.

Oprah should just buy America. #GoldenGlobes

“I think you’re supposed to wear black.” “Nah. I got the pin.” #goldenglobes