If I could give some of you one thing in life, it would be the ability to see yourselves through my eyes.

Only then would you realise what a piece of shit some of you really are…

Morning all
Nice early start 0430 shift
It's #FBF Give these legends a follow
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Am I ambivalent?

Well, yes and no…

Them: Please don’t take it personally.

Me: Best I can do is to now immediately take it extra fvcking personally…

My patience is like a gift card.

Not sure how much is on it but you can give it a try…

When I think about you I touch myself…

By rubbing my temples.

You give me a headache!

Everyone thinks I’m over dramatic when I get stressed out. When an octopus gets stressed out it eats itself. Now THAT’S over dramatic!

If you knock a cat down have the fvcking decency to stop and deal with it. Don’t just drive off and leave it like a piece of rubbish. Yes, it could be dead but it could be alive and suffering.
It’s someone’s beloved pet.

Listening to Alan Bates giving evidence to the enquiry into the #PostOfficeScandal one cannot help but be struck in sheer admiration of this man. He is calm, rational, scrupulously honest, and refuses to be cowed and intimidated. What a juxta position when compared to the…

Defo me…

Don’t ever let a recipe dictate how much cheese you need to add.

You measure that shit with your heart!

When a woman says ‘correct me if I’m wrong’, do not under any (and I mean any - and I cannot emphasise this enough) circumstances correct her.

And don’t forget to wear your sunscreen…

Woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that I’d overslept for work.

But quickly realised I was already at work so breathed a sigh of relief…

Wtf is this twunt? A Tory in disguise? A Conservative client journo?
Whoever he is…he’s an epic twat…

And every occasion is a learning experience for them as their papa explains the science behind the total eclipse!

My gorgeous granddaughters watching the eclipse from the prime position of the balcony of their Airbnb in Mexico City. I am so jealous as it’s the best place in the world to see it…
(Their papa is Mexican and although they now live just up the road they were born in Mexico!)

Today I learnt two very important things.

I don’t remember the first one but the second is to write everything down…

Yes…but is it one of the bendy ones or one of the EU mandated straight ones…

Anyone who leaves their shopping trolley in the middle of a car parking space is an arsehole. To leave it in the middle of a disabled bay is taking cvntish behaviour to an epic level of cvntiness…
No one is too important pr too busy to put it where it belongs…

Two arsewipes loving each other brought to our attention by the fabulous Ms Simor. I don’t get to see posts from either of the two twunts in question because tragically I’m blocked by both…