Just posted a photo @ Brooklyn, New York instagram.com/p/CkJBiNMrSj5/…

Just posted a photo @ The Stand Comedy Club and Restaurant instagram.com/p/Cj8e3F-gj5i/…

Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/Cj6EPg6uDdK/…

Just posted a photo @ Arlene's Grocery instagram.com/p/CghlhiYgEV_/…

I ran into an ex from 6 years ago last night. He said, “how come you haven’t had me over and offered me food?” I explained, “That lunchlady bitch has been dead for years.” RIP

Ain’t no birth control more effective than a man telling you he’s on the verge of tears!

This Thursday (the 23rd) 7pm @thetinycupboard ! The Traumedy Hour NYC returns with
Christiana Jackson headlines!
Featuring: Lauryn Petrie , Grant Sheffield , Breck Gordon, & Lissa Lenis! 🎟 TIX➡️ eventbrite.com/e/363832341327

I’ve fucked a bunch of dads, most of them hate you and your mom.

#FathersDay

When I left Mexico City, I promised myself not to bang any more dumb dudes when I got back. A few weeks, and a couple union dudes later I’m like, who even makes Mid-year resolutions???

I wanna get in good enough shape that I can bang two dudes a day, and feel nothing physically AND emotionally.

What the fuck is the point of dealing with someone younger, if they are just as tired as you are????

When I was in Mexico City, this guy told me that people have underground orgies in the metro. I said, “so what are we doing in your car???”

#cdmx

Instead of saying I had a hookup, I’m going to start saying that I ruined a man’s life today. 💦💦💦

I’m on vacation and still don’t have the time to figure out wtf is happening in season 2 of Russian Doll.

Just posted a photo @ Manhattan, New York instagram.com/p/Cca2vf6rovu/…

If I send you a nude, then you send a picture of your face, trust and believe that I’ll never sit on it.

Just posted a photo @ Two Boots Williamsburg instagram.com/p/Cb0eLS7uLVq/…

Where was Will Smith when that white chick was telling jokes in the movie theater???

#Oscars

Just posted a photo @ Manhattan, New York instagram.com/p/CbnN7X7Lu4O/…

Just posted a photo @ Brooklyn, New York instagram.com/p/CbiJsp6LUlZ/…